I just don't know...

Okay, for the past several weeks I have contemplated going back to work full time.  Only a couple of weeks before I gave birth to Judah I received that dreadful layoff notice from my job.  It really caught me off guard as I was planning to return to work after 6 weeks of being at home with my little one.

Well as life would have it things did not turn out the way that I had planned them.  Figure that.  For starters I didn't plan on having Judah so soon.  After he was born I knew that the likelihood of me returning to work so soon was probably out of the question.  Fast forward almost a year and a half and I find myself here... torn.

There is the working mom part of me that is ready to get back to work and have really conversations over real lunch.  don't get me wrong, I LOVE being home with Judah.  I love waking up to his sweet babbles and sweet smiles in the morning and I love kissing and loving on him all day long.  But then there is a part of me that feels bad that there is not a class room full of kids to play with (which he loves by the way) and that there is no other kids around to get into trouble with.

For the past several days I have been pouring over day care centers.  Looking through ratings and comments to try and find the perfect one. 

What do you do?  I wish there were two of me....

Happy birthday to meeeee

So yesterday the 6th was my 30th birthday.  To be honest I really don't feel any different than I did at 29 or 28 for that matter.  David, Judah and I spent a quite evening here together just the three of us.  I loved just sitting around in my pajamas relaxing on the couch.  At thirty there is not much more that I could ask for that I don't already have.

I have a loving husband who does for me just because.  I have a sweet beautiful baby boy who makes me smile with his silliness.  And a loving family.

I cannot forget my friends.  I love them.  Each of them for who they are and for letting me be a part of their lives.  I am blessed.

I want the next 30 to be twice as amazing.  I want to do some traveling with my family.  I want to finally lose some of this weight.  I want to be less critical of others and more content with the here and now.

My prayer is to be the best me that I can be.