Hello World!

Welcoming the newest princess to our family.  Baby Emma. 

Closet cleanup

I know that this is totally off subject but I started my new eating habits as of yesterday.  I stayed under 1800 calories today and I am so proud.   It's really going to take some getting used to.  I have never been one to count calories,  I always just guesstimate how fattening or healthy a meal is by just giving it my 'evaluation'. Not smart, I know.  I found this really great app on my blackberry which tells me the general caloric count of meals including fast food which will be a great help. 

Anyway, note to self- start slowly.  I know that I did not get this way over night and I have to keep telling myself that change will come gradually.  I'm trying to log what I am eating and also am logging my exercise.  I will post a summary after about a week or so. 

Okay so back to my original story.  After cruising a couple of my favorite blogs  I got the sudden urge to organize my closet, random I know, well after hanging up a few items I started to notice a pattern.  All of my clothes is all the same.  Big billowy shirts that hide my body.  I also noticed that the only shorts that I have are shorts to sleep in.  :(  It's summer and I don't feel comfortable in a pair of shorts. 

So after checking every item of clothes that I own I have decided that I will donate a item of clothing once a week.  Starting with the comfortable stuff better known as my 'fat pants'.  This I hope will give me motivation to stick to what I am doing.  In the past I have shied away from buying new clothes.  My excuse: If I lose weight next week it will be a waste of money.  No more of that fat.  ;)

Well time to burn some calories in my sleep. 

Bye Bye Fat Girl.

Last night I stayed up until 3 a.m. reading this blog .  It was really inspiring to me.  I have pretty much struggled with weight most of my life.  When I was a little girl I was so thin.  Tiny, really it looked like I never ate.  Then it all changed when I was a teenager, maybe 14??   While ttc we found out that I have PCOS. 

For those of you who know about this it makes it difficult to lose weight.  Well anyway fast forward 15 years and I am still over weight and I am SO TIRED!!!  Here is why..

• I hate to try on clothes 
• I have never found a "perfect' pair of jeans
• I can't climb stairs without being out of breath
• I have a small wardrobe bc there isn't much that I am comfortable wearing
• I DONT wear bathing suites, even the ones with covers
• I'm tired all the time 

This is only scratching the surface.  Don't get me wrong.  I have "tried" and I use that term loosly.  Here a few things I have "tried":

* Zumba dvds - with the zumba sticks :)
* Biggest loser dvd
* Treadmill- currently collecting dust
* Prenatal yoga- I did this while I was pregnant
* Pilates dvds
* 2-3 gym memberships
* south beach diet books
* low carb diets
* juicing

I'm getting frustrated just writing about that.  I just want to be comfortable in my own body.

I will be turning 30 in 3 months.  I want to get started now.  Eating healthy and living a healthy lifestyle. 

I will document it all here the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I will start by listing my weight.  I can't believe that I am doing this but here it is.

240 lbs.  :(  I'm 5'5 so technically I'm considered severly obese.  I am currently a size 16.  I will post pictures along the way along with what is working for me. 

Here I go.  Wish me luck.

My first year being a mom

 I love, love, love being a mom.  Over the course of the past year I have learned so much about life, about myself and about being a mom.  From the moment that I found out that we were pregnant I began to imagine what it would be like having a baby.  I would find myself daydreaming of the things that I would do and not do.  The things that i would teach my son or daughter.  I was excited and yet nervous about this new role that I had. During my pregnancy I tried to do all of the right things, eat mostly good food, and tried to care for myself because i now had a little life growing inside of me.

Yet all of the advise and the words of wisdom that I received didn't even hint at what it really means to be a mom.  The moment that Judah was born was the day that a piece of my heart now lived on the outside of me.  I loved this little baby in a new way the moment that I laid my eyes on his tiny body.  I felt an ache when they had to wheel him away to the NICU.

During this past year I have been exhausted. I have cried from not knowing what to do.  I have shed tears when all I could do nothing but stand back and watch as Judah was poked and prodded.  My heart hurt watching his little body fight to thrive only wishing that I could take away all of his pain. There were moments that I felt that that I was doing nothing right.

Looking back I would not trade these moments for anything because along with all the crazy came all the sweet.  Those moments where I tucked him into my shirt in the NICU and he would sleep for hours, when we finally got the okay to bring him home.  There were those moments at 3 am when I held him close and whispered words of thanksgiving to my God for allowing me this little miracle.  I look at Judah now and I can't imagine being without him.

I am learning to cherish every moment.  These are the moments that I want to remember forever.  Like the first time that he looked and me, not just looked, but the moment that he recognized that I was mommy.  His first smile.  The first time that he giggled or made a funny face.  First teeth, first crawl, first time that he pulled himself up or took that first daring step. 

Perhaps picture is all I will have of these memories  30 years from now but today a hold these moments  close to my heart.   I love you Judah.

{ First Birthday Party }

I know that this is about a month late but  here are a few pictures of Judah's party. 

We did a Yo Gabba Gabba theme.  Oh yea and note to self.  May is HOT.  Parties at the park are a no go!

Other than the fact that it was super hot, everything went great.  Judah got tons of stuff and got to hang out with his cousins.