Bye Bye Fat Girl.

Last night I stayed up until 3 a.m. reading this blog .  It was really inspiring to me.  I have pretty much struggled with weight most of my life.  When I was a little girl I was so thin.  Tiny, really it looked like I never ate.  Then it all changed when I was a teenager, maybe 14??   While ttc we found out that I have PCOS. 

For those of you who know about this it makes it difficult to lose weight.  Well anyway fast forward 15 years and I am still over weight and I am SO TIRED!!!  Here is why..

• I hate to try on clothes 
• I have never found a "perfect' pair of jeans
• I can't climb stairs without being out of breath
• I have a small wardrobe bc there isn't much that I am comfortable wearing
• I DONT wear bathing suites, even the ones with covers
• I'm tired all the time 

This is only scratching the surface.  Don't get me wrong.  I have "tried" and I use that term loosly.  Here a few things I have "tried":

* Zumba dvds - with the zumba sticks :)
* Biggest loser dvd
* Treadmill- currently collecting dust
* Prenatal yoga- I did this while I was pregnant
* Pilates dvds
* 2-3 gym memberships
* south beach diet books
* low carb diets
* juicing

I'm getting frustrated just writing about that.  I just want to be comfortable in my own body.

I will be turning 30 in 3 months.  I want to get started now.  Eating healthy and living a healthy lifestyle. 

I will document it all here the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I will start by listing my weight.  I can't believe that I am doing this but here it is.

240 lbs.  :(  I'm 5'5 so technically I'm considered severly obese.  I am currently a size 16.  I will post pictures along the way along with what is working for me. 

Here I go.  Wish me luck.

My first year being a mom

 I love, love, love being a mom.  Over the course of the past year I have learned so much about life, about myself and about being a mom.  From the moment that I found out that we were pregnant I began to imagine what it would be like having a baby.  I would find myself daydreaming of the things that I would do and not do.  The things that i would teach my son or daughter.  I was excited and yet nervous about this new role that I had. During my pregnancy I tried to do all of the right things, eat mostly good food, and tried to care for myself because i now had a little life growing inside of me.

Yet all of the advise and the words of wisdom that I received didn't even hint at what it really means to be a mom.  The moment that Judah was born was the day that a piece of my heart now lived on the outside of me.  I loved this little baby in a new way the moment that I laid my eyes on his tiny body.  I felt an ache when they had to wheel him away to the NICU.

During this past year I have been exhausted. I have cried from not knowing what to do.  I have shed tears when all I could do nothing but stand back and watch as Judah was poked and prodded.  My heart hurt watching his little body fight to thrive only wishing that I could take away all of his pain. There were moments that I felt that that I was doing nothing right.

Looking back I would not trade these moments for anything because along with all the crazy came all the sweet.  Those moments where I tucked him into my shirt in the NICU and he would sleep for hours, when we finally got the okay to bring him home.  There were those moments at 3 am when I held him close and whispered words of thanksgiving to my God for allowing me this little miracle.  I look at Judah now and I can't imagine being without him.

I am learning to cherish every moment.  These are the moments that I want to remember forever.  Like the first time that he looked and me, not just looked, but the moment that he recognized that I was mommy.  His first smile.  The first time that he giggled or made a funny face.  First teeth, first crawl, first time that he pulled himself up or took that first daring step. 

Perhaps picture is all I will have of these memories  30 years from now but today a hold these moments  close to my heart.   I love you Judah.

{ First Birthday Party }

I know that this is about a month late but  here are a few pictures of Judah's party. 

We did a Yo Gabba Gabba theme.  Oh yea and note to self.  May is HOT.  Parties at the park are a no go!

Other than the fact that it was super hot, everything went great.  Judah got tons of stuff and got to hang out with his cousins.

 

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to the most wonderful little boy in the whole world.  I love you more than any words I could ever say.  I'm  blessed in so many ways but being your mommy tops the list.  Everyone tells me that you are a spitting image of your daddy.  You defiantly have his personality. 

You are officially one year old now.  You are not walking but you will defiantly use things around the room to find your way around.  You pretty much eat anything that I put in front of you and you are so independent you hate for me to feed you.  You can say mam when you feel like it.  Usually its when you are crying and want my attention. 

This weekend is your party and I am so excited!!

grocery shopping with mommy

We went to Albersons the other day and they had these carts.  He pretty much drove through the whole store.   Beep Beep!!

Eleven Months Old

 

I know that every time that post I have an excuse for why I haven't posted anything lately but seriously there Judah is on the verge of walking and he is everywhere!  And there have been several birthdays and holidays that have taken up most of my free time.  But anyway enough about that... here is a current picture of my little man.  

And this my friend is him having a field day with some whipped cream.  As you can see it was everywhere but he had a blast and he gave mommy a few minutes to finish her dinner :).  

Along with all of the other stuff that has been going on I am currently getting things ready for little mans first birthday.  It's hard to believe that it's really been a year... I swear I remember everything about his birth like it was yesterday.  What is the theme for Judah's first birthday??  Yo Gabba Gabba of course!!  I love that show. And so does he!  I can't wait.  

So here is the scoop on all that has been going on.  Judah is now sporting 5 teeth with 3 more coming in.  OH MY I am ready for the teething to be over.  Fever, clinginess and drooling are no bueno.  Other than that things are just dandy!  Lots of love and kisses and clapping when daddy walks in the room. :)  Oh yea and we are off the bottle!! What!! Yes I said it we are officially off the bottle.  I found some sippy cups at walmart that he loves.  My big boy.....

Cookies and Action Figures

First time at chuck e cheeses

 

 

 

A mommy and her baby

So I really haven't been blogging as much as I would like to.  But I do have a good reason.  This little man right here has been keeping me busy!  Judah is almost 11 months old ....  Crazy huh?   Just thinking about it makes me want to cry.  I want him to stay my little baby forever. 

Well today was an exciting day.  My nieces birthday. Happy birthday Illianna.  We love you princess!  Anyhow today was busy.  Judah is knocked out in his crib right now, evidence of the busy day that we had.  Nothing like a princess party to make you poop out.  Here we are getting ready to walk out the door.

Update on Judah: he now has 4 teeth.  4!  Let me tell you that the past couple of days have been fussy ones.  Teething- fun time for any parent. Along with getting his teeth he is now standing and trying to walk along the couch holding on for dear life.  I know that he will be walking full force in no time.  My little baby is growing up.

Late last night

I must start this post by saying that I'm so thankful that Judah has been pretty healthy.  We survived our first winter with only a few colds.  No ear infections. No hospital visits. 

Well yesterday I noticed that Judah was just a little fussy and all he wanted was to be held.  Later last night he did not want to go to sleep and then the watery eyes started.  my poor baby, it was all down hill from there.  His nose started to run and then the sneezing started.  I felt so bad for him.  After trying to get him to go to sleep for about an hour I sat with him and rocked him for a while which helped for a while.  But I did not end up putting him to bed till about 3 o'clock this morning.  I was so tired. 

Then he woke up at 6 am and did not go back to sleep until almost 8. 

Mommy - Sleep = Zombie mommy  I need some coffee!!!!!

Baby number two.... in my dreams

Last night I had the craziest dream.  In my dream I was lying on a bed in this room and by my side was my mom and my sisters.  I look around the room and realize that I am in a dark hospital room with a giant belly.  I put my hand on my stomach and feel the squirming of a  little baby.  As I'm admiring my belly a doctor comes in and tells me that she will be giving me shot to get things moving apparently this baby was not coming on its own.  I close my eyes and when I wake I am still in this room but now everyone is congratulating me and telling me that I just delivered a baby girl via c-section????? Crazy huh?  No more chocolate chip cookies for me before bed.

Who knows maybe one day I will be on that show 'I didn't know I was pregnant'.  The plan is still to adopt a baby girl when Judah turns 3. But who knows.  There are days when I look at Judah and wonder how I can ever love another child like I love him.  I have heard that there is plenty of love in a mothers heart for all of her children.  I am so excited to see what God has in store for  our family.

30 day ... #9

Day 9; What you thought of your current best friend when you met them.  Were ganna be BFFS  lol

30 day... #8

Day 8; Something you're paranoid about.  germs....yuck

 

30 day...#7

Day 7; Biggest pet hate.  I don't exactly know what this question means... I really don't hate any animals but it is always awkward when you see animals "mating" I mean really... it's just awkward. 
 

30 day ... #6

Day 6; Worst experience.  Several years ago I was with a friend and we had just come back from lunch when I tripped and fell.. my food went flying, along with my drink, I happened to have a skirt on that day so I scrapped my knee.  All in front of the building where I worked... almost made my friend pee on herself from laughter.

30 day .... #5

Day 5; Favorite memory.  Hearing  Judah's heartbeat for the very first time during a sono.

Nerdy

30 day... #4

Day 4; Best dream.  To one day be able to travel all over with my family.  
 

10 months old

(Yes that is a pile of dirty clothes in the background.... don't judge me :))

I can't believe that we are only two months away from his first birthday.  Judah is now crawling and getting into EVERYTHING.  I remember saying "oh I just can't wait to see him crawl" and now he is non stop.  Along with crawling he is constantly trying to pull himself up and he will use anything that is around.  Now this has made for some tumble time here in our living room.  But he is a tough little guy and just keeps it moving when he does fall.  Sometimes I look at him and I get a little sad.  I am learning that time only moves forward and it moves pretty fast.  I want him to stay little and innocent. forever.

30 day confession day #3

Day 3; Something you you could forget.  The taste of sweet tea... I really need to give it up.