Jesus change me

My life, as of lately, has been a little hectic.  Judah is awake more so I find my self doing one thing after another to keep him entertained.  This along with the bottles, burps, diapers and spit up.  I can admit that sometimes it gets a little crazy.  

For that reason I have decided that my life in general needs an overhaul.  

1)I have been saying for months years that I need to lose some weight and get healthy.  I have tried SO many things...but I have succeeded at none. Not because the methods did not work but because I have so quickly given up.  2) I want to be the best wife that I can be.  I want to learn not to focus on the little things.  I want God to be the center and I want Him to mold me to be the wife that David needs. 3) I want to be a great mom.  I desire for God to shape me and prepare me raise Godly men and women. 4) I want to have a loving relationship with my savior and have that love radiate from my life and all that I do. 5) I want my words, thoughts, actions... to be a worship to my king.  

The desire is there but I some how fall short when I need to get to movin'.

After some introspection, I think I've found the root of my problem.  And that is my spiritual life. Or lack thereof.  Don't get me wrong.  I pray and talk to God ALL the time.  What I am talking about is a deeper relationship with my Lord Jesus.  To allow Him to have control over all aspects of my life.  

There are times that I sit and think of all the things that could happen.  Sometimes I find that I have a "what if" mentality all the while I can feel my healer telling me - just let me take care of it.  I have to admit that relinquishing all control has been a BIG challenge in my life.  I find that I like to think that I have control of the things that go on around me.  This is something that God has been dealing with me for quite some time now and I think its time for a change.  

I am tired of letting the devil get the best of me.  I have given him too much of my time and my thoughts. Often times it's in the form of worry, mainly about my family, whether they are okay, safe... frankly silly thoughts.  Silly because I can change nothing.  I am learning that the best and only thing that I can do is to allow God just to have it all.  ALL of it.  Jesus help me.  

But that is my goal.  To start from the root and all other things will follow.