2013

2013 was probably one of the craziest years that I have had.  This year I was living with my sister and her family.  Our divorce was finalized in March of this year.  I moved into my own apartment.  I lost my job.  I hurt.  I fell down and stayed down for a while. I cried a lot. I learned that things change, situations change and that people change.  I dated some and quickly realized that it was too soon.  I hoped and dreamed.  I lost. I prayed and I understood why things did or didn't happen the way that I planned.  I complained and wallowed in a big pool of self pity.... almost all year long.  

But in this year I also fought. I loved.  I laughed a lot.  I made new friends.  I was blessed with another year with my son.  Despite being unemployed God never ceased to provide for me and Judah.  I prayed and God answered.  I was blessed with a job that only God could have opened a door for.  I got up.  Learned to keep going.  I hoped and I dreamed.  I allowed myself to be vulnerable.  I watched Judah grow, listened to him laugh and sometimes cry.  I was the best mom I could be.  I was reminded of just how much I am loved by my family and friends; reminded that despite feeling lonely at times that I am never alone.  

This upcoming year I want to do things a little a lot different.  I want to slow down and enjoy life, spend time with Judah, laugh more, spend more time with family and friends.  Hopefully this year I can do more things with Judah.  My plan is to do something different with him every month.  Doesn't have to be anything big.  Maybe a museum or a new park, Sea World or Disney world or the beach.  I want to take care of myself too.  Physically, emotionally and spiritually.  

I'm really excited about what 2014 will bring.  Happy early New Year. 

-Angela

Dear Judah

Dear Judah,

I just wanted to take a second to tell you just how much I love you. You are about 5 minutes away from your 3rd birthday. I can't believe how time has just flown by. You got this been all week with me baby and I loved every minute. This pictures of you and I just being silly. You didn't want me to put you down everytime I try to you calling your little legs around me your arms around my neck saying no mommy no down.  I have no idea what I would do without you.  

I miss you from the moment you walk out of the door. You're such a smart little boy.  You are kind and caring and really really silly.  You love to goof off and make me laugh.  just the other day you realize that you can roll your eyesand when you're acting really silly your roll your eyes or wink at me. Especially when it's time for bed, you'll try anything in order for me not to put you to bed. Each night I come into your room and cover you up. I love seeing your little face curled up in a blanket.

You are growing way to fast.  Please slow down love.

Love, 

mommy

My sleeping prince

At 2:47 a.m. This little monster decided that he was going to come lay in my bed. It's uncomfortable and he pushes me to the very edge of the bed, I get elbows and legs shoved into my ribs.  But there's nothing like kissing on his sleeping face.

-Angela

Letter to Judahs future step mom

{Dear Step-mom,

I am writing you this letter to tell you about how I feel about you in my sons life.  Moving on for his dad and I is inevitable. So I know that one day you will be a major part of his life.  As a little girl I dreamed of one day getting married and having a family.  Little did I know that getting pregnant would not be easy at all but I can tell you that every needle prick, doctors appointment and even the scary moments were worth every moment.  

If I can be honest with you.  You scare me.  I don't know you at all.  Yet you will be around a very important piece of my heart.  My stomach sinks at the that thought that you could not have my sons best intentions.  That you could hurt him.  That you could push him away.  That you could make him sad or even physically hurt him.  I pray that this will never happen.  

You see, Judah is my very breath.  For six short months I felt him move and kick.  For months I sat in the hospital by his bedside praying and hoping that he would be okay.  I know where each of his little curls fall. I know his smile.  I would do anything for him.  He is my heart.  I don't know if you will have children or not but if you do you know exactly what I mean.

So here is my request to you.  Please love my baby. Please.  Please be an extension of me.  Kiss his boo-boos.  Bake him cookies.  Be patient with him.  He's a little boy and can be a handful at times.  Let him have time with his daddy.  Encourage it.  Make him laugh.  Please protect him and please don't ever hurt him.  I think it goes without saying, but if one day your lose your marbles and decide that you are going to hurt him just know that you will see a kind of crazy that you have never seen.  

Love him.  Really love him because if anyone will recognize fake affection and love, it will be him.

Sincerely,

Judahs Mommy}

This is what I would say to her.  I'm sad because I don't know and because it's something I can't control.  I pray hard that whoever this woman is she will be good for Judah.  My heart would stop beating if anything ever happened to him.

- Angela

My little artist

On our way back from picking up Judah from his dads house a few weeks ago.   He was in the back seat saying *mommy drawing mommy*. Lol. My little Picasso. 

Shake your groove thang baby!!

This was Judah a couple months ago at my cousins wedding.  I must say my little man can move.  I love love love this little boy!

Hi blog world!!

For those of you that are still following, let me take a moment to say I'M BACK!  It's been several months since I last posted anything so let me start with the most recent info.  Here is Judah.  My baby is growing up :(.  He turned two and a half this past November and I am a little sad that my little nugget is getting older.  

The last time that I posted anything Judah and I had just moved into our apartment, Judah had a birthday, .  To say that things were a little crazy is an understatement.  It was quite an adjustment having to do things on my own.  Being alone was very scary...at first.  Slowly things fell into place and we have adjusted quite nicely.  

My baby is talking a lot more.  I absolutely ADORE when he calls me MOM, he sounds so grown up.  I'm trying to potty train and it has not been easy.  I just got him a potty watch so hopefully that will help both of us. 

Other things that have gone on.  I was laid off from work a couple of months ago.  Things have been stretched a little thin but thankfully God has been very good to me and we have survived.  Just last week I went for an interview and got the job.  I am beside myself, this job is a blessing in more ways than one.  

I attempted to have some what of a dating life, but that is proving to be a little more difficult than I initially thought.  I've been praying about somethings and I just know that God will bring that person into my life when the time is right.  Right?  I'm realizing that there really isn't a need to rush things.  Enjoying Judah is my top priority at this point.  I have some fun plans for us this coming year.  He's getting to that age that he is enjoying and understanding more.  The plan is to keep this blog updated.  For me and for Judah :)

- Angela