Dear mom.. I'm two!

Oh my goondess!! WHO took my sweet baby and replaced him with this little monster???  This was Judah at the doctors office.  Throwing a fit.  

I really didn't think this could really happen to me :( lol.... I have seen these little monsters in the stores, in the streets throwing fits while I lovingly hold Judah.  Giving him kisses, whispering "oh im so glad i have such a laied back little boy".  

Appenrantly I spoke too soon!!! Those darn terrible two's are here with a vengeance   And as much as I wish they weren't, they are here to stay.  

One heck of a morning

This morning was one heck of a morning.  I feel like I'm slowly losing steam.  I'm exhausted this morning.

Last night Judah came home from his grandpa's house and he was in a super mood, and by super I mean he was fussy and really clingy.  He is still trying to get over this cold and it is taking a toll on his little body.  After a little bit of dinner, bath and a breathing treatment he was asking to go to his bed.  My poor little man was just as tired as his mommy.

Moving time is next Friday and it really cannot get here fast enough.  My/Judah's room is a wreck.  Everything that I own is in one room.  Without closet or dresser space so you can really imagine just how crazy it looks in there.  I think that it's probably why I'm feeling so crappy.  But soon, very soon we will have our own space.

Anyway, back to this morning.  Judah and I woke up.  Got dressed in our crazy room.  I left the house with wet hair and no makeup.  Blah. We drove to Whataburger for breakfast and my baby wouldn't eat.  I think the cold pretty much obliterated his appetite   I hate when he doesn't eat, especially now that he's in daycare.    Then we got caught in a 30 min delay in traffic which I think we really needed.  We talked and sang all the way to daycare. LOL.  Until we got to the building, where he started to whine and then cry.  I wanted to cry.

So there you have it.  My morning.

My sicky poo

This morning I cried

This morning driving to work, I cried.  I cried because I am SO very tired.  On Wednesday Judah was sick. On Thursday I came to work for half a day and spent the rest of the afternoon caring for my sick baby.  Friday he was even worse so we went to the doctor.  One chest xray, three breathing treatments, and one dose of steroids later we went home.

Judah spent Saturday afternoon and Sunday with dad.  Came home still feeling sick.  I feel so bad, I wish that I could take his place.  Early this morning, five a.m. to be exact, he was up.  Crying.  I brought him to be with me where he tossed and turned for a while.  Put him back in the bed, where he tossed and turned for the next hour.  :(

He finally fell asleep around six o'clock but I couldn't.  :(  Then he woke up again around six thirty.  We got ready.  And on the way to daycare, my baby fell asleep.  He looked so peaceful.  I know that he was so tired.  This morning I wish that there were three of me.  One to take Judah home and let him sleep, one to crawl into bed and sleep and the last one to go to work.  I'm so pooped.

My prayer is that once we move into our new place things will calm down and we'll be able to just sit back and relax.

Days until I move: 11.

- Angela

Feeling frustrated

I feel so frustrated right now. I feel like I'm running on fumes and even that is about to go out.  So many changes in the past  few months have left me spinning to say the least. My body is tired.  We are moving in one week and five days. The 29th cannot get here fast enough.

I finally got the paperwork from the attorney and I have to admit that I cried. Sitting there in the parking lot of the attorneys office I cried as I read our names followed by the words dissolution of marriage. There are days that is doesn't seem real. But it is. And the last days if being a married woman are finally here. My heart is broken into a million pieces over this, but you cannot force someone to love you no matter how much you think that they should.  

I know life will go on. And maybe one day I will find some one new. Big changes.  Most days I don't feel like I could take any more life altering changes.

One way ticket to the great unknown.

Angela

This morning he cried

As of Monday, he started daycare.  Only a parent who had dropped off their child to daycare for the first time can understand how I felt on Monday.  He didn't cry when I left because I creeped out when he wasn't looking.  I felt so bad.  It was like I was leaving a little piece of my heart behind. {sad face}   

I hate that I have to leave him but I know that along with the fact that I have to, he will make friends and socialize with kids his own age.  From what his teacher told me, he had no problems playing with the other kids.  I can't believe how much he has grown.  Last night I was scanning through some old pictures and I found one of me holding him just days after he was born and he was so small.  

Now my eyes water when he does something new.  He is so smart and so loving and sweet.  I am so proud and honored to be his mommy.  Being a mommy to this little one isn't always easy.  Terrible-twos are just around the corner.  It's beginning to show its ugly little head here and there like the other day when he threw a fit just outside of the car door because he did not want to get off.  But I'm learning that even those moments are precious and soon he will grow too old for fits.  I will post pics of that little fiasco later on.

- Angela 

Life as I know it

For the past several days I have been really struggling with the fact that the life that I once knew is pretty much over.  Some days are better than others.  Some weeks I'm fine.  I'm happy and content with spending my days with my handsome little man.  But then there are days and weeks for that matter that are just plain hard.  

A friend, who also recently went through a divorce, said that the first year or so will be the hardest to deal with and I could not agree more.  So far Thanksgiving and Christmas were pretty tough. Especially around my   brothers and sisters, seeing them together, happy, enjoying each other.  Judah's birthday is the next big event with us.  

I really don't know how to even precede with planning and all that good stuff.  Things are okay between dad and I, but I don't know if I'm ready to celebrate things together    I've talked to a few people that say that getting along and even trying things out together just makes things easier all around.  I don't think that I am ready just yet.  I don't really know what I'm going to do.  

But anyway, I think that this move will be good for me.  Maybe it will help get my mind off of some things and focused on the more positive things in my life.  

On another note, Judah will be starting daycare next month when I move.  I'm a big baby and just might cry more than he will.  I'm excited that he will make new friends and have a environment that will stimulate his thinking. :)