Let's play catch up

I just had to start this post of a pic of my little man.  I can't believe that he will be 2 years old in a few months.  He is such a big boy now.  And I am madly in love with him.  There is nothing in the world that compares to waking up and hearing him talking on his monitor or having his little caramel-skin arms wrapped tightly around my neck.  I love love love being a mom.  I'm trying my very best to be the best mom for my Judah.

Over the past several months, so many things have changed.  In a nut shell husband is now ex-husband.  Or will be in the next week or so.  These past months have been pretty challenging. Judah had seriously been sick off and on since November and just last weekend I had to take him to the emergency room...diagnosed with pneumonia. :(  Boo for that.  But he is much better now after a good dose of antibiotics this last week.  Thankfully Spring is right around the corner so hopefully no more gross germs. 

Ummm... I'm currently living with my sister and her family, but come April Judah and I are off on our own!! I'm beyond excited.  I think we are both ready to be in our own place. I've been planning like a mad woman.  My little hands can't wait to start decorating. :) 

As far as the separation/divorce go, I won't talk much about it here.  But for the record, Judah's dad is a really great dad.  He really loves our son.  Despite the fact that we are no longer together, I'm blessed in that he loves and cares for Judah very much.  

So begins the adventures of mommy and baby.  

-Angela   

Judahs first hair cut

11/10/2012

18 months old

One and a half years old.  You have no idea what is going on love but I want you to know that mommy loves you very much and will ALWAYS, ALWAYS do everything in my power to show you how important you are to me.  You are the sweetest baby in the world and I am blessed to call you my baby.  I love you Judah!!

November 1, 2012

Dinner just tastes better when it's smeared all over my tray!

Dear 17 month old Judah

Hi baby.  I can't believe just how much you have grown.  In a couple of days you will be officially 1 and a half.  Time has just flown by.  You are so adventurous and inquisitive.  And you are a little comedian too.  You love to laugh and you LOVE attention.

You light up my day and your smile tells me that everything is going to be okay.  You are growing up way too fast.  Like when it's time to eat you prefer to feed yourself and not have any help from me.  Or when you actually drank from a big boy cup without my help.  I almost cried.

I just want you to know that I love you very, very much my love.

- mommy

Fort Worth Zoo

She stole the words from my heart.....

This song is dedicated to you my love!

{Your little hands wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light

To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
No, no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off
At 14, there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots

But don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older, too
And don't lose the way that you dance around
In your PJs getting ready for school

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple

No one's ever burned you
Nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to
Just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps... }

(never grow up: Taylor Swift)

September 2012 16 months old

I just don't know...

Okay, for the past several weeks I have contemplated going back to work full time.  Only a couple of weeks before I gave birth to Judah I received that dreadful layoff notice from my job.  It really caught me off guard as I was planning to return to work after 6 weeks of being at home with my little one.

Well as life would have it things did not turn out the way that I had planned them.  Figure that.  For starters I didn't plan on having Judah so soon.  After he was born I knew that the likelihood of me returning to work so soon was probably out of the question.  Fast forward almost a year and a half and I find myself here... torn.

There is the working mom part of me that is ready to get back to work and have really conversations over real lunch.  don't get me wrong, I LOVE being home with Judah.  I love waking up to his sweet babbles and sweet smiles in the morning and I love kissing and loving on him all day long.  But then there is a part of me that feels bad that there is not a class room full of kids to play with (which he loves by the way) and that there is no other kids around to get into trouble with.

For the past several days I have been pouring over day care centers.  Looking through ratings and comments to try and find the perfect one. 

What do you do?  I wish there were two of me....

Happy birthday to meeeee

So yesterday the 6th was my 30th birthday.  To be honest I really don't feel any different than I did at 29 or 28 for that matter.  David, Judah and I spent a quite evening here together just the three of us.  I loved just sitting around in my pajamas relaxing on the couch.  At thirty there is not much more that I could ask for that I don't already have.

I have a loving husband who does for me just because.  I have a sweet beautiful baby boy who makes me smile with his silliness.  And a loving family.

I cannot forget my friends.  I love them.  Each of them for who they are and for letting me be a part of their lives.  I am blessed.

I want the next 30 to be twice as amazing.  I want to do some traveling with my family.  I want to finally lose some of this weight.  I want to be less critical of others and more content with the here and now.

My prayer is to be the best me that I can be.

A Chocolate Mess

Looking back at my post it seems that I haven't posted any pictures of my Judah in some months.  So here you go.

How do you get about 15 minutes of "free time" to put up groceries.....?

A cup of chocolate pudding of course!

I'm back

I think that by now I have lost the few readers that I had (thank you all by the way) :) I know it's been like forever and a day that I've posted anything.

Things have been a little out of sorts  here lately, to say the least.  But I guess that's how life goes sometimes huh.  Judah is doing what he does best, which is growing too fast.  I don't think that my whispers in the morning for him not to grow up are working.  We are officially mobile on two feet.

Yep! Judah is walking.  First with a few steps and now he's just a big boy.  Braving those steps that are beyond the safety of something to grab on to.  He is so determined too.  I love looking at him when he is thinking.  His little face says it all "if i could just make it to the..."

I know that I should be happy about him growing up and but I just can't help wondering what it will be like when I can no longer scoop him up from his crib to give him his morning kisses. Or when I will no longer feel his warm breath on my neck when he is just to sleepy to wait for his bed.  I cherish these moments.

This little guy has my heart and he just loves his mommy.  There are times when I get caught up in the busyness of the day that I forget what is really important in life.  And it is in those moments that God allows me catch a glimpse of Judah smiling at me or giggling with his daddy and I remember why the harder times are worth it.

Well I don't have any picures to post tonight but I will updated tomorrow.

G'night peeps.

Weight Loss Update

So here is the update.  This fat girl does not want to go anywhere!!!  Making life changes is proving to be harder than I initially thought.

If I have not said that already I am a SUGAR FREAK!  I love sweets and I love me some Mc Donalds tea.  It's a super sugar high!  You see my problem :(

One thing I have learned avout myself is that I am an all or nothing girl.  At least for now I can't give my self "treats" here and there because I end up falling off the the "whatever" bandwagon. 

So to date I have lost about 2 lbs which is not much.  And the working out has been on hiatus :(.  Each time that I pass by the workout DVD section on my book self I silently make a mental note to work out.  :S 

So there it is.  This heifer is not going easily. 

Hello World!

Welcoming the newest princess to our family.  Baby Emma. 

Closet cleanup

I know that this is totally off subject but I started my new eating habits as of yesterday.  I stayed under 1800 calories today and I am so proud.   It's really going to take some getting used to.  I have never been one to count calories,  I always just guesstimate how fattening or healthy a meal is by just giving it my 'evaluation'. Not smart, I know.  I found this really great app on my blackberry which tells me the general caloric count of meals including fast food which will be a great help. 

Anyway, note to self- start slowly.  I know that I did not get this way over night and I have to keep telling myself that change will come gradually.  I'm trying to log what I am eating and also am logging my exercise.  I will post a summary after about a week or so. 

Okay so back to my original story.  After cruising a couple of my favorite blogs  I got the sudden urge to organize my closet, random I know, well after hanging up a few items I started to notice a pattern.  All of my clothes is all the same.  Big billowy shirts that hide my body.  I also noticed that the only shorts that I have are shorts to sleep in.  :(  It's summer and I don't feel comfortable in a pair of shorts. 

So after checking every item of clothes that I own I have decided that I will donate a item of clothing once a week.  Starting with the comfortable stuff better known as my 'fat pants'.  This I hope will give me motivation to stick to what I am doing.  In the past I have shied away from buying new clothes.  My excuse: If I lose weight next week it will be a waste of money.  No more of that fat.  ;)

Well time to burn some calories in my sleep. 

Bye Bye Fat Girl.

Last night I stayed up until 3 a.m. reading this blog .  It was really inspiring to me.  I have pretty much struggled with weight most of my life.  When I was a little girl I was so thin.  Tiny, really it looked like I never ate.  Then it all changed when I was a teenager, maybe 14??   While ttc we found out that I have PCOS. 

For those of you who know about this it makes it difficult to lose weight.  Well anyway fast forward 15 years and I am still over weight and I am SO TIRED!!!  Here is why..

• I hate to try on clothes 
• I have never found a "perfect' pair of jeans
• I can't climb stairs without being out of breath
• I have a small wardrobe bc there isn't much that I am comfortable wearing
• I DONT wear bathing suites, even the ones with covers
• I'm tired all the time 

This is only scratching the surface.  Don't get me wrong.  I have "tried" and I use that term loosly.  Here a few things I have "tried":

* Zumba dvds - with the zumba sticks :)
* Biggest loser dvd
* Treadmill- currently collecting dust
* Prenatal yoga- I did this while I was pregnant
* Pilates dvds
* 2-3 gym memberships
* south beach diet books
* low carb diets
* juicing

I'm getting frustrated just writing about that.  I just want to be comfortable in my own body.

I will be turning 30 in 3 months.  I want to get started now.  Eating healthy and living a healthy lifestyle. 

I will document it all here the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I will start by listing my weight.  I can't believe that I am doing this but here it is.

240 lbs.  :(  I'm 5'5 so technically I'm considered severly obese.  I am currently a size 16.  I will post pictures along the way along with what is working for me. 

Here I go.  Wish me luck.

My first year being a mom

 I love, love, love being a mom.  Over the course of the past year I have learned so much about life, about myself and about being a mom.  From the moment that I found out that we were pregnant I began to imagine what it would be like having a baby.  I would find myself daydreaming of the things that I would do and not do.  The things that i would teach my son or daughter.  I was excited and yet nervous about this new role that I had. During my pregnancy I tried to do all of the right things, eat mostly good food, and tried to care for myself because i now had a little life growing inside of me.

Yet all of the advise and the words of wisdom that I received didn't even hint at what it really means to be a mom.  The moment that Judah was born was the day that a piece of my heart now lived on the outside of me.  I loved this little baby in a new way the moment that I laid my eyes on his tiny body.  I felt an ache when they had to wheel him away to the NICU.

During this past year I have been exhausted. I have cried from not knowing what to do.  I have shed tears when all I could do nothing but stand back and watch as Judah was poked and prodded.  My heart hurt watching his little body fight to thrive only wishing that I could take away all of his pain. There were moments that I felt that that I was doing nothing right.

Looking back I would not trade these moments for anything because along with all the crazy came all the sweet.  Those moments where I tucked him into my shirt in the NICU and he would sleep for hours, when we finally got the okay to bring him home.  There were those moments at 3 am when I held him close and whispered words of thanksgiving to my God for allowing me this little miracle.  I look at Judah now and I can't imagine being without him.

I am learning to cherish every moment.  These are the moments that I want to remember forever.  Like the first time that he looked and me, not just looked, but the moment that he recognized that I was mommy.  His first smile.  The first time that he giggled or made a funny face.  First teeth, first crawl, first time that he pulled himself up or took that first daring step. 

Perhaps picture is all I will have of these memories  30 years from now but today a hold these moments  close to my heart.   I love you Judah.

{ First Birthday Party }

I know that this is about a month late but  here are a few pictures of Judah's party. 

We did a Yo Gabba Gabba theme.  Oh yea and note to self.  May is HOT.  Parties at the park are a no go!

Other than the fact that it was super hot, everything went great.  Judah got tons of stuff and got to hang out with his cousins.

 

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to the most wonderful little boy in the whole world.  I love you more than any words I could ever say.  I'm  blessed in so many ways but being your mommy tops the list.  Everyone tells me that you are a spitting image of your daddy.  You defiantly have his personality. 

You are officially one year old now.  You are not walking but you will defiantly use things around the room to find your way around.  You pretty much eat anything that I put in front of you and you are so independent you hate for me to feed you.  You can say mam when you feel like it.  Usually its when you are crying and want my attention. 

This weekend is your party and I am so excited!!