Dear mom.. I'm two!

Oh my goondess!! WHO took my sweet baby and replaced him with this little monster???  This was Judah at the doctors office.  Throwing a fit.  

I really didn't think this could really happen to me :( lol.... I have seen these little monsters in the stores, in the streets throwing fits while I lovingly hold Judah.  Giving him kisses, whispering "oh im so glad i have such a laied back little boy".  

Appenrantly I spoke too soon!!! Those darn terrible two's are here with a vengeance   And as much as I wish they weren't, they are here to stay.  

One heck of a morning

This morning was one heck of a morning.  I feel like I'm slowly losing steam.  I'm exhausted this morning.

Last night Judah came home from his grandpa's house and he was in a super mood, and by super I mean he was fussy and really clingy.  He is still trying to get over this cold and it is taking a toll on his little body.  After a little bit of dinner, bath and a breathing treatment he was asking to go to his bed.  My poor little man was just as tired as his mommy.

Moving time is next Friday and it really cannot get here fast enough.  My/Judah's room is a wreck.  Everything that I own is in one room.  Without closet or dresser space so you can really imagine just how crazy it looks in there.  I think that it's probably why I'm feeling so crappy.  But soon, very soon we will have our own space.

Anyway, back to this morning.  Judah and I woke up.  Got dressed in our crazy room.  I left the house with wet hair and no makeup.  Blah. We drove to Whataburger for breakfast and my baby wouldn't eat.  I think the cold pretty much obliterated his appetite   I hate when he doesn't eat, especially now that he's in daycare.    Then we got caught in a 30 min delay in traffic which I think we really needed.  We talked and sang all the way to daycare. LOL.  Until we got to the building, where he started to whine and then cry.  I wanted to cry.

So there you have it.  My morning.

My sicky poo

This morning I cried

This morning driving to work, I cried.  I cried because I am SO very tired.  On Wednesday Judah was sick. On Thursday I came to work for half a day and spent the rest of the afternoon caring for my sick baby.  Friday he was even worse so we went to the doctor.  One chest xray, three breathing treatments, and one dose of steroids later we went home.

Judah spent Saturday afternoon and Sunday with dad.  Came home still feeling sick.  I feel so bad, I wish that I could take his place.  Early this morning, five a.m. to be exact, he was up.  Crying.  I brought him to be with me where he tossed and turned for a while.  Put him back in the bed, where he tossed and turned for the next hour.  :(

He finally fell asleep around six o'clock but I couldn't.  :(  Then he woke up again around six thirty.  We got ready.  And on the way to daycare, my baby fell asleep.  He looked so peaceful.  I know that he was so tired.  This morning I wish that there were three of me.  One to take Judah home and let him sleep, one to crawl into bed and sleep and the last one to go to work.  I'm so pooped.

My prayer is that once we move into our new place things will calm down and we'll be able to just sit back and relax.

Days until I move: 11.

- Angela

Feeling frustrated

I feel so frustrated right now. I feel like I'm running on fumes and even that is about to go out.  So many changes in the past  few months have left me spinning to say the least. My body is tired.  We are moving in one week and five days. The 29th cannot get here fast enough.

I finally got the paperwork from the attorney and I have to admit that I cried. Sitting there in the parking lot of the attorneys office I cried as I read our names followed by the words dissolution of marriage. There are days that is doesn't seem real. But it is. And the last days if being a married woman are finally here. My heart is broken into a million pieces over this, but you cannot force someone to love you no matter how much you think that they should.  

I know life will go on. And maybe one day I will find some one new. Big changes.  Most days I don't feel like I could take any more life altering changes.

One way ticket to the great unknown.

Angela

This morning he cried

As of Monday, he started daycare.  Only a parent who had dropped off their child to daycare for the first time can understand how I felt on Monday.  He didn't cry when I left because I creeped out when he wasn't looking.  I felt so bad.  It was like I was leaving a little piece of my heart behind. {sad face}   

I hate that I have to leave him but I know that along with the fact that I have to, he will make friends and socialize with kids his own age.  From what his teacher told me, he had no problems playing with the other kids.  I can't believe how much he has grown.  Last night I was scanning through some old pictures and I found one of me holding him just days after he was born and he was so small.  

Now my eyes water when he does something new.  He is so smart and so loving and sweet.  I am so proud and honored to be his mommy.  Being a mommy to this little one isn't always easy.  Terrible-twos are just around the corner.  It's beginning to show its ugly little head here and there like the other day when he threw a fit just outside of the car door because he did not want to get off.  But I'm learning that even those moments are precious and soon he will grow too old for fits.  I will post pics of that little fiasco later on.

- Angela 

Life as I know it

For the past several days I have been really struggling with the fact that the life that I once knew is pretty much over.  Some days are better than others.  Some weeks I'm fine.  I'm happy and content with spending my days with my handsome little man.  But then there are days and weeks for that matter that are just plain hard.  

A friend, who also recently went through a divorce, said that the first year or so will be the hardest to deal with and I could not agree more.  So far Thanksgiving and Christmas were pretty tough. Especially around my   brothers and sisters, seeing them together, happy, enjoying each other.  Judah's birthday is the next big event with us.  

I really don't know how to even precede with planning and all that good stuff.  Things are okay between dad and I, but I don't know if I'm ready to celebrate things together    I've talked to a few people that say that getting along and even trying things out together just makes things easier all around.  I don't think that I am ready just yet.  I don't really know what I'm going to do.  

But anyway, I think that this move will be good for me.  Maybe it will help get my mind off of some things and focused on the more positive things in my life.  

On another note, Judah will be starting daycare next month when I move.  I'm a big baby and just might cry more than he will.  I'm excited that he will make new friends and have a environment that will stimulate his thinking. :) 

Let's play catch up

I just had to start this post of a pic of my little man.  I can't believe that he will be 2 years old in a few months.  He is such a big boy now.  And I am madly in love with him.  There is nothing in the world that compares to waking up and hearing him talking on his monitor or having his little caramel-skin arms wrapped tightly around my neck.  I love love love being a mom.  I'm trying my very best to be the best mom for my Judah.

Over the past several months, so many things have changed.  In a nut shell husband is now ex-husband.  Or will be in the next week or so.  These past months have been pretty challenging. Judah had seriously been sick off and on since November and just last weekend I had to take him to the emergency room...diagnosed with pneumonia. :(  Boo for that.  But he is much better now after a good dose of antibiotics this last week.  Thankfully Spring is right around the corner so hopefully no more gross germs. 

Ummm... I'm currently living with my sister and her family, but come April Judah and I are off on our own!! I'm beyond excited.  I think we are both ready to be in our own place. I've been planning like a mad woman.  My little hands can't wait to start decorating. :) 

As far as the separation/divorce go, I won't talk much about it here.  But for the record, Judah's dad is a really great dad.  He really loves our son.  Despite the fact that we are no longer together, I'm blessed in that he loves and cares for Judah very much.  

So begins the adventures of mommy and baby.  

-Angela   

Judahs first hair cut

11/10/2012

18 months old

One and a half years old.  You have no idea what is going on love but I want you to know that mommy loves you very much and will ALWAYS, ALWAYS do everything in my power to show you how important you are to me.  You are the sweetest baby in the world and I am blessed to call you my baby.  I love you Judah!!

November 1, 2012

Dinner just tastes better when it's smeared all over my tray!

Dear 17 month old Judah

Hi baby.  I can't believe just how much you have grown.  In a couple of days you will be officially 1 and a half.  Time has just flown by.  You are so adventurous and inquisitive.  And you are a little comedian too.  You love to laugh and you LOVE attention.

You light up my day and your smile tells me that everything is going to be okay.  You are growing up way too fast.  Like when it's time to eat you prefer to feed yourself and not have any help from me.  Or when you actually drank from a big boy cup without my help.  I almost cried.

I just want you to know that I love you very, very much my love.

- mommy

Fort Worth Zoo

She stole the words from my heart.....

This song is dedicated to you my love!

{Your little hands wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light

To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
No, no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off
At 14, there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots

But don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older, too
And don't lose the way that you dance around
In your PJs getting ready for school

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple

No one's ever burned you
Nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to
Just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps... }

(never grow up: Taylor Swift)

September 2012 16 months old

I just don't know...

Okay, for the past several weeks I have contemplated going back to work full time.  Only a couple of weeks before I gave birth to Judah I received that dreadful layoff notice from my job.  It really caught me off guard as I was planning to return to work after 6 weeks of being at home with my little one.

Well as life would have it things did not turn out the way that I had planned them.  Figure that.  For starters I didn't plan on having Judah so soon.  After he was born I knew that the likelihood of me returning to work so soon was probably out of the question.  Fast forward almost a year and a half and I find myself here... torn.

There is the working mom part of me that is ready to get back to work and have really conversations over real lunch.  don't get me wrong, I LOVE being home with Judah.  I love waking up to his sweet babbles and sweet smiles in the morning and I love kissing and loving on him all day long.  But then there is a part of me that feels bad that there is not a class room full of kids to play with (which he loves by the way) and that there is no other kids around to get into trouble with.

For the past several days I have been pouring over day care centers.  Looking through ratings and comments to try and find the perfect one. 

What do you do?  I wish there were two of me....

Happy birthday to meeeee

So yesterday the 6th was my 30th birthday.  To be honest I really don't feel any different than I did at 29 or 28 for that matter.  David, Judah and I spent a quite evening here together just the three of us.  I loved just sitting around in my pajamas relaxing on the couch.  At thirty there is not much more that I could ask for that I don't already have.

I have a loving husband who does for me just because.  I have a sweet beautiful baby boy who makes me smile with his silliness.  And a loving family.

I cannot forget my friends.  I love them.  Each of them for who they are and for letting me be a part of their lives.  I am blessed.

I want the next 30 to be twice as amazing.  I want to do some traveling with my family.  I want to finally lose some of this weight.  I want to be less critical of others and more content with the here and now.

My prayer is to be the best me that I can be.

A Chocolate Mess

Looking back at my post it seems that I haven't posted any pictures of my Judah in some months.  So here you go.

How do you get about 15 minutes of "free time" to put up groceries.....?

A cup of chocolate pudding of course!

I'm back

I think that by now I have lost the few readers that I had (thank you all by the way) :) I know it's been like forever and a day that I've posted anything.

Things have been a little out of sorts  here lately, to say the least.  But I guess that's how life goes sometimes huh.  Judah is doing what he does best, which is growing too fast.  I don't think that my whispers in the morning for him not to grow up are working.  We are officially mobile on two feet.

Yep! Judah is walking.  First with a few steps and now he's just a big boy.  Braving those steps that are beyond the safety of something to grab on to.  He is so determined too.  I love looking at him when he is thinking.  His little face says it all "if i could just make it to the..."

I know that I should be happy about him growing up and but I just can't help wondering what it will be like when I can no longer scoop him up from his crib to give him his morning kisses. Or when I will no longer feel his warm breath on my neck when he is just to sleepy to wait for his bed.  I cherish these moments.

This little guy has my heart and he just loves his mommy.  There are times when I get caught up in the busyness of the day that I forget what is really important in life.  And it is in those moments that God allows me catch a glimpse of Judah smiling at me or giggling with his daddy and I remember why the harder times are worth it.

Well I don't have any picures to post tonight but I will updated tomorrow.

G'night peeps.