Mom

I was online this afternoon and I ran across a post from a mom talking about her ;frustrations as a mother. Her post title said something like -please don't judge me. She went on to describe how on her way out of the house her 4 month old daughter was screaming her head off and could not get her to calm down. She put her in the car and thought that the car ride might soothe her.  Well, it didn't work and her daughter kept screaming. She turned around and went back home where she said that she was so frustrated and started screaming at her daughter.  I'm in no way saying that I condone what she did but I can understand where she is coming from.

Unfortunately, when my son was born his manual stayed in my womb. Who knew that I knew so little about parenting.  Being a first time mom is something amazing, loving and exhausting all at the same time.  I would never have thought that I would have to visit my son in the hospital for the first two months of his life.  When he got home there was no sleeping for me. I stayed awake in the middle of the night just watching my son's chest rise and fall.   There were nights when I cried right along with Judah.

Now five months later it has gotten easier but there are days.  There are days that I am half asleep fumbling around for a diaper or his bottle.  There are days that I want to reach over and shove daddy off of the bed for sleeping so well while I'm up.  There are days that I am do tired that I look forward to a hot shower like its a day at the spa.  But at the end of the day I am in love..I am in love with this little man that grins and smiles at me the moment that he sees me in the morning...with the way that he holds my finger when I feed him...and with this I am reminded that it its all worth it.